Voice: a method for the soul

An essential method in my dissertation research was the simple practice of talking out loud.

Vocalizing my thoughts, attitudes, and opinions: either to myself, or in the company of others.

Instead of being so reliant on the literature, on peer review, or my committee’s opinion, I leaned into the resources of my own mind.

That, which never seems to quiet. 

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My dissertation was an overtly personal arena for scholarly engagement. 

A dynamic which readily blurred the lines between my objective and subjective position.

That is, being a scientist, as well as a human being. 

A technocrat who is simultaneously embedded in grounded experience. 

I began vocalizing my reflections because I was attempting to make sense of patterns which were relevant not only to the “research population,” but also to myself and the people around me.

I remember one night, after a long day of interviewing, and writing, I decide to go out and dance with some of my girlfriends. 

One of my favorite spots, one of my favorite DJs, and me and my girls looked gooD. 

Only, that night, my mind never stopped buzzing. 

Ruminating on an interview held the day prior, I found myself making sense of themes in real time.

My mind 

Bouncing 

One idea 

To next. 

Using my voice has become an essential catharsis.

Methodically, yet, organically, materializing my thoughts a place for rest. 

In practice, this has looked like: 

For as little as 2 minutes, and up to two hours, vocalizing my immediate thoughts on a recording device.

Most often, over coffee and a CBD joint, I sit in my home office and yap-yap-yap at the computer. 

If I’m out & about and something emerges, I open the voice memo app on my phone.

It also looks like phone calls with friends.

Like thinking out loud together, with their consent and blessings.

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Capturing these exchanges through audio recordings allows me to transcribe them verbatim, carrying the texture of spoken word directly into written works.

I’ve found talking out loud effective at preserving my authentic voice. 

How I process thoughts and emotions, how my feelings and attitudes change, and how these events are informed by broader social and historical context are all fundamental to the knowledge I produce. 

Certainly, it is the backbone of the theory and arguments which define my research. 

Leveraging my voice also allows me to communicate my research as I would to those I care for, my friends, my family, and the people who I work amongst. 

We are told that the best science is that which is value-free, completely void of bias, and removed of emotion or personal attributes and passions. 

Metaphors and riddles for disconnecting the researcher from their means of production. 

Voice is a method for reclaiming authority, for centering my humanity in all things. 

For recognizing, no matter how ideologically, intellectually, or emotionally removed I feel from my work, who I am remains the foundation of how this work exists. 

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Truthfully, invoking voice has been a healing practice. 

A finding which has moved me to reflect at great lengths: of the need for methods that cater to the soul.

For those of us engaged in the sacred work of recounting subjugated knowledge, there is a need to engage these efforts with restorative spirits. 

Incumbent, to protect our shared capacity for vision, our orientation towards beauty.

To retain a state of presence, so we may be generative and graceful upon the long journey home.

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Photo credits: Fenster (Window), 2002, Gerhard Richter. Photographed by Opal Gay, San Francisco Museum of Modern Art.